


The Wolf's Garden

by Ladyhawk_lhflu



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 21:14:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10521990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu
Summary: As the Second War ends, Neville Longbottom makes a discovery that will change him forever. For the wolf that he so admires needs him in ways he never expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This comes out after reading another NL/RL called Gratitude (also here). It so appealed to me that I thought we needed to make this niche pairing a little bigger. I hope you like my attempt at it.

In the last days of our torment, I thought the War would never end.

My exhaustion came from the constant motion I sought to keep up with. Battles, healing the injured, reports to be given all whirled around me. I was weary just watching the chaos.

But I had to be involved. I knew that as the 'Not Chosen One', I had to keep busy, and support the one born mere hours after I was. Harry didn't rest, so neither did I.

I rotated between fighting Death Eaters next to my classmates and working in the emergency medi-ward. The whole ordeal was tiring and soul crushing, even without staying up for three days straight. But added to it were the losses that tore at my soul. Dumbledore, Snape, Harry's beloved owl, house elves who were protecting students, and one of the elder Weasleys all fell in the name of all that was good about magic.

I mourned them all. Even Snape, my tormentor since I was a small first year. How could I not? They gave all they could so the rest of us could live, instead of just survive.

The worst of it all came as I was treating one of the sixth year students for a burning hex. The news made my heart fall to my feet.

My favorite teacher was no longer with us. Professor Lupin and his wife had both fallen. They had met their fates in separate places and at separate times. But when the bodies were retrieved, they were brought in on joined stretchers, hand in hand.

I was in the Great Hall (which now doubled as the medi-ward) when they were reverently laid with the rest of those the Death Eaters had stopped. Although I had heard of their deaths hours before, seeing them there had me so crestfallen that I had to go over to them to pay my respects.

Tears filled my eyes as I gazed on the serene face of the man who had helped push me down the path to confidence and resolve. His first lesson to us as third years had showed me that the strengths I had dreamed about were not just in my imagination. I wasn't the clumsy, laughable bane of Gryffindor House. I had skills that could serve me and my friends. They simply needed a reason, and sometimes a guiding hand, to come out.

Professor Lupin had helped me while still riddled with his own weaknesses. According to the reports from the rumor mill, he had given me my self esteem boost while fighting his own demons of depression and prejudice.

I silently vowed that because the professor had joined Merlin's domain, his demons would be laid to rest. I would personally make sure he was remembered for his strengths. As I bent down to adjust his jacket in that secluded corner of the Great Hall, an open window at the corner streamed a ray of moonlight onto the floor nearby. It beckoned to me.

I looked out the window to see that the moon was full that night. As I stared at that silver orb, I gave thanks that my teacher would no longer suffer from the werewolf curse. Death would at least award him the cessation of that pain.

It was when I was thinking this when I heard the cracks and snaps coming from the floor in front of me. Ironically, my preoccupation with the moon kept me from looking down at whatever was making the noise.

When my eyes finally shifted, I gasped in surprise. For next to the still body of Nymphadora Tonks was a large wolf. It was staring at me with sad amber eyes. That could mean only one thing. Amazingly, Professor Lupin had somehow survived without anyone knowing.

Although the news made me ecstatic, the sight of the wolf made me recoil a little. I suddenly remembered that the professor had tried to attack Harry after his transformation on the night that Sirius Black came back to Hogwarts.

But the wolf did not attack me. Instead, he let out a small whimper as his head rested on his massive paws. As I stared at him in shock, his eyes appeared to beg for my help.


	2. Chapter 2

Of course I helped Professor Lupin. How could I not?

Once I shook off my initial shock, I immediately considered bringing him into the main part of the Great Hall. But part of me rejected the idea as fast as I thought of it. It would not do to put the other patients in danger by bringing a transformed werewolf into their midst. Not even if he was as much in need of care as they were.

So, following an instinct I didn't understand, I used a levitating spell to raise the wolf above the bodies surrounding him. To protect both him and myself, I moved my wand slowly. I would be less likely to startle him that way, and therefore keep him from snapping those massive jaws at me.

But as I guided him through the shadows to Greenhouse 2, I realized he wasn't going to move. He couldn't move. The fierce creature had been decimated by the attack. So it felt right to shelter him in my second home at Hogwarts, with its calm spaces and shadows that could comfort a dark being.

I pondered the wolf's condition as I settled him on some moss in the corner of the warm building. I had heard only snatches of the official reports, so didn't know for sure what had almost killed the professor. Most accounts I heard said it was the Killing Curse. But knowing that didn't give me any clue as to how he survived. Although being a werewolf made one immune to some curses, I didn't believe it could negate the deadliest ones.

It was obvious that the curse had done significant damage. The creature before me could barely lift his head a centimeter. So the curse or hex had almost completely drained his energy. But why didn't it kill him outright?

And what could I do to help my former teacher? As he rested on the moss, I crouched down to examine the tawny fur for injuries. I could see none.

That left me at a loss. Without knowing what injuries he had, I had no idea how to treat him. Especially if it was the Killing Curse. Since wizards were taught that the Killing Curse was deadly every time it hit its target, there were no treatments. There had been no point to figuring that out until now, as far as I knew.

But he needed a cure, or at least the right spells and supplies to aid him in recovery. So I needed help, and fast. By the looks of the wolf, Professor Lupin's survival after the moon was not guaranteed.

Help was in the emergency medi-ward. I needed to go back there immediately. But I did not want to agitate the creature in front of me. So I backed away from the professor, quietly and calmly, in order to keep him still. But I didn't need to worry. All he did was whimper as I eased out of the the greenhouse door.

Once I was outside, I ran back to the Great Hall and dragged Madame Pomfrey to the window of the greenhouse near Professor Lupin.

When the wolf noticed Madame Pomfrey, he attempted to bite at the window, startling us both. But we quickly realized he was too weak to do more than to snap his jaws where he lay.

I found his behavior odd, considering he didn't snap once when I was the only one near. But I pushed that thought away for the moment. His survival was my first priority.

The medi-witch questioned me thoroughly as we watched the wolf from the window. She made me tell her the whole story in detail, including the fact that this was the first time that the wolf snapped.

Madame Pomfrey looked as confused by the circumstances as I felt. But in the end, she decided to pour some Pepper Up potion and a few potions used to treat internal injuries into a bowl for the professor to drink.

Because at the moment, the wolf didn't see me as a threat, I would take the bowl in to him. I would need to be ready to hastily retreat, in case he snapped at me. Madame Pomfrey pressed on me the importance of being extra vigilant as he drank the potion. The combination of the werewolf curse and the killing curse made the timing of his recovery an absolute unknown. He could recover in minutes, or it could take decades.

I did worry about the danger I was putting myself in, even though it was urgent that we treat him in his cursed form. But when I asked Madame Pomfrey about Wolfsbane, the one thing that could negate the wolf's power, she shook her head. "He's too weak for it. I know he took the initial dose yesterday, but he missed today's because of the battle. He also will have to go without it for the next two nights. It could kill him in the state he's in."

I fervently hoped he would quickly regain his strength. But I knew that with the strength came danger to the rest of us for three nights a month. I shivered in fear at the thought of treating the wolf at nearly full power, but then I shook myself. The professor had been there for me when I needed someone to lean on. I could find a way to give him the same.

So I went with Madame Pomfrey to prepare the potion bowl, along with a slab of meat. She said she would spell a few more to preserve them until they could be eaten, as the wolf needed as much energy as he could get. The transformation back to human could still kill the professor if he couldn't draw on enough magic to complete it.

I didn't want to lose my teacher a second time. That helped me steel myself when my thoughts drifted to the danger to myself. I tried to not shake too much as I walked back to the greenhouse. I didn't want to spill the bowl. But if I wasn't cautious, one snap of those massive jaws would fell me just as fast as the Killing Curse.

The wolf, however, was docile once again when I walked in the door of the greenhouse. I approached slowly, as I had been taught to do with most magical creatures. But he did nothing more than stare at me. Breathing a sigh of relief, I laid the potion bowl down on the floor under his snout. He sniffed at it, then looked up at me questioningly.

How should I get him to drink it, I wondered.

I could think of only one way. Again trying to convince myself that the need was more important than the danger I was in, I put my hand on the top of the wolf's head. Pausing for a moment, I let my hand bury itself in the surprisingly soft fur. Then I pushed down slightly to guide the snout to the bowl again. The little Wolfsbane that the professor had consumed must have worked, because instead of growling or snapping at my forwardness, he started lapping at the bowl.

Without thinking about it, I started petting the top of the wolf's head as it drank. But when I realized what I was doing, I jerked my hand away. My Gran had taught me that you shouldn't disturb a feeding animal. But when my hand left his head, the massive creature began to whine. And he stopped drinking with the bowl still half full.

When I put my hand back, he started lapping again. So I ran my fingers through his fur as he swallowed the potions. Once the professor finished taking his medicines, he rested his head near the bowl. Remembering what Madame Pomfrey said, I laid the slab of meat next to his snout. "You need to eat, Professor Lupin," I whispered. "You need every bit of energy for the dawn."

He sniffed at the meat, but appeared uninterested. Considering how still he was, I wondered if it would be tiring to tear the slab apart. In his state, that was actually very likely. So I pulled out my wand and broke it into smaller chunks. When I finished, his eyes raised to mine, as if in thanks. Then he nosed one of the pieces and began to eat it.

Eating was a slow process. I could see it was hard for him to bite at the piece. It was almost as difficult to swallow. But he kept at it as long as I was touching him. So I petted his back the whole time. When he finished, I gave him some time to rest, then went to retrieve a second slab from Madame Pomfrey.

After grabbing the food, I updated the medi-witch on the wolf's progress. She looked surprised but relieved when I told her how I coaxed her patient into taking the potions and eating. But she had a warning for me. "He accepts you now, but remember that it could change in a moment. The little Wolfsbane he took must be working somehow. But be on your guard in case it stops."

I assured her I would remain alert for signs of aggression. Then we agreed that if he was still in an amicable mood, I should get him to eat one more slab of meat before letting him rest for the remainder of the night.

So I went back to the greenhouse with the meat and repeated the magical division of the slab so it was easier to eat. Then I continuously petted the creature's silky pelt as he devoured three quarters of what I set before him. I tried to coax him into eating the rest, but he just put his head down on the moss tiredly.

Realizing he couldn't handle eating any more, I whisked away the meat with a wave of my wand. But my other hand did not stop its motion in his fur.

The wolf's weariness seemed to intensify after his meal. This was a good time for him to rest, as he had a few hours before dawn. To help him, I used my wand to guide a potted Solemn Night to his side. The purple leaves of the nocturnally blooming plant magically calmed the air around it. The magic had a tendency to put most people to sleep. I was hoping it would do the same for the wolf under my hands.

I smiled as slowly, the amber eyes closed. My hands stilled as he fell asleep, but I couldn't bring myself to stop touching him completely. Nor could I stop the magical plant from working on me. Before I knew it, my head was on Professor Lupin's furry back, and I too was falling into slumber.

When I woke, the sun was streaming through the greenhouse windows directly onto my face. Annoyed, I started to get up and out of the sun's path. But I stopped when I realized that there was a weight on top of me. Startled, I looked down to see Professor Lupin, in human form and very naked, sleeping on top of me.


	3. Chapter 3

Before I could do anything more than stare at the man resting on me, Madame Pomfrey entered the greenhouse. I looked up at her, stammering wordlessly as my face turned red. But she just smiled and shushed me. "He's still alive, so whatever you did worked. Let me examine him, then I'll move him to the Great Hall."

"N-No!" I stuttered, shocking myself as the words tumbled out. "The Death Eaters think he's dead. So does the Ministry. He's safer if people believe he died. He can recover here, in the greenhouse. There's a clean cot in the north corner. We can put him there until moonrise."

"I can't be running back and forth to handle both him and the rest of my patients," Madame Pomfrey admonished. "The subterfuge may be necessary, but that means you must be here to see to his needs."

I nodded my agreement with her terms. With a soft 'hmph,' the medi-witch gently waved her wand over my patient and checked his vitals. "His breathing is shallow but his heart rate is starting to recover. That's what I hoped for when I gave you the potions. The worrisome part of this is that his human magic is exceedingly low. The curse that hit him drained both it and most of his vital energy. Only the magic associated with the wolf appears adequate. But even that is lower than I've ever seen it. This will not be a quick recovery."

As she ended her assessment, Madame Pomfrey levitated the professor--Remus--, and moved him to the cot. I rose quickly and brushed off my robes. "Then I will be here as long as it takes. What do I need to do?" I asked with more confidence than I felt. But if I learned anything in my seven years at Hogwarts, it's if you fake confidence and go forward, real confidence often comes by the end of the journey.

The medi-witch gave me a list of potions to get into the professor while he was still in human form. "Have him take as many of these as he can before the moon rises. But space them out. He needs to sleep just as much as the medicine."

She added to that a list of foods he could eat and what to do in case of trouble. And one admonishment. "If he's awake for more than a few minutes, he can have ONE book. No bloody doing research in bed. He can't recover that way!"

It was easy to see that she had said that before. I could imagine her yelling at Remus like that through the years on the mornings after the full moon. So I stifled a laugh and nodded my head solemnly. She cared for him, that was obvious. I had always had a great deal of respect for him, but now I found myself affectionate towards him as well. That boded well for the man in our care. Between the two of us, we would do our best to ensure he recovered.

I followed Madame Pomfrey's instructions to the letter, but I had to get the potions into Remus by magic. He did not wake for almost the entire day. Transforming to and from a wolf was exhausting, according to the books I had read on the subject. But as time moved forward to moonrise, I worried. I had only gotten a cup or two of broth in him along with the potions. It couldn't be enough to get him through the transformation.

But somehow it was. Remus woke as the moon began to peek through the clouds at dusk. He turned his head to me and smiled. Then a moment later, he let out a weak howl as the change began.

I watched, both fascinated and horrified as bones broke and reformed to create the body of the wolf. No wonder Madame Pomfrey was so worried. The curse was brutal. It obviously took a lot of energy from Remus.

And it was distracting for the few who could witness it. When the wolf laid in front of me, I backed away, amazed that I forgot to retreat to outside the greenhouse during the transformation.

Because Madame Pomfrey had been insistent that I be outside during the change. The Wolfsbane Remus took two days ago would be useless during the second night. So now I was in danger of being attacked by the dark creature in front of me. But for some reason, I wasn't frightened.

Rather than growling and biting, the wolf looked up at me curiously.

I hadn't been around dogs much growing up. But even I could see that the wolf didn't want to attack me in that moment. So I risked my life...and held out my hand to pet him.

Remus' snout moved toward my hand and sniffed. Then a pink tongue crept out to give my hand a lick. I jumped in surprise, but the wolf just settled his head down and looked up expectantly. So I petted him.

In his cursed form, I was able to get more food into him, along with a few potions that worked better in this form. But for most of the night, I sat next to the cot and soothed him with my touch. Remus insisted on it. Every time I moved my hand away, he burrowed his head into my side. I was beginning to think the dark creature was actually somebody's pet in disguise.

That is, until Madame Pomfrey came to check on us about an hour before dawn. When Remus saw her at the window, he snapped as viciously as his weakened state would allow.

But the way he did it was puzzling. I couldn't help but notice that his jaw was as far away from me as possible, even though I sat between him and the medi-witch. It almost appeared as if he was trying to keep me from being harmed. I could see Madame Pomfrey was as confused by this as I was. By what we knew about werewolves, I should be dead or turned by now.

But that puzzle was not our first priority. Making sure he recovered was much more important. So I slipped out the door to give my report to my supervisor.

Madame Pomfrey was encouraged by what I had to say. The wolf was alert and aware of those around him. Because of that, she believed he was strong enough to survive both transformations that night. But Remus had a long way to go.

As we watched him snap at the window, we considered options for rehabilitation. But it was only speculation at that point. He needed to be awake as human to figure out which option was most appropriate.

By the time I went back into the greenhouse, Remus' dawn transformation had started. Unable to help him in any way, I stood out of the way to give limbs the room to stretch and snap back. I sighed in relief when it finished. This transition was almost gentle compared to the one that created the wolf.

Madame Pomfrey had told me earlier that the dawn transformation relied mostly on Remus' human magic. The weariness werewolves felt the day after was due the depletion of that magic and the lack of sleep. So I was rather shocked to see my charge awake when his body settled. "Hi, Neville," he whispered. "Thank you for watching over Moony."

Weakly, he reached out his hand. Tears of relief streamed down my face as I took it and cradled it against my cheek. "We thought we lost you," I whispered. "Thank *you* for coming back to us."

Remus smiled softly. "I had a very good reason to."

He didn't say anything more. Instead he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. But that smile stayed on his face, making me believe he'd continue his battle to get well. Whatever reason he had to get well was worth it to him.

I silently swore that I would be there to help every step of the way.


	4. Chapter 4

Remus' recovery progressed a bit faster that day. I gave him a little food and water soon after his change, to keep up his energy. Eating was still a slow, painful process, but it helped his recovery. He seemed a little stronger after he ate. 

I didn't trouble him about the cryptic statement he gave me that morning, but I admit I was curious to know why he felt he needed to live. I guessed that it had something to do with Harry. But what that something was eluded me.

But I forgot about that mystery as he drifted off to sleep again. Instead, I tended to the plants in the greenhouse until he called to me.

The first thing Remus asked about after his nap was his family. So I took a deep breath and gave him the news about his wife as gently as I could.

Tears streamed down his face as I told him what I knew and how I accidentally found him alive next to his wife's body. "I loved her." he whispered hoarsely as his eyes shimmered with tears. "But I wasn't good for her. I couldn't give her enough."

"You are a good man, sir." I sat in the chair next to the cot, not sure what else to say or do. But seeing me there seemed to calm him. The tears still streamed, but it was a contained mourning.

I patted his hand, not saying anything, until he mouthed one word to me. I imagined it was the most important one to him, now that his wife was gone. 'Teddy?'

Of course he was worried about his child! At this time, he would want to assure himself that the young one was safe. My heartrate went up just thinking of the state he must be in. Oh my... My mind searched around for a way to reassure him. It still was a few hours until the moon came again. I needed to help him check on his son before the curse took his mind from him again.

So I jumped up and ran to Madame Pomfrey. She nodded briskly when I suggested the thought that came to me. "Good idea. Let me contact her."

Within twenty minutes, Andromeda Tonks and Teddy Lupin arrived just outside the Great Hall. I met them there and immediately swore Mrs. Tonks to secrecy about what I was about to show her. She agreed, quickly putting her trust in me for some reason I couldn't fathom. But there was something serene in her eyes when she looked at me. It was disconcerting. Nobody ever looked at me that way.

But, not knowing what else to do, I smiled back and guided them into the greenhouse.

Teddy spotted him first. "Dada. Dada!" he yelled as soon as we turned the corner that put the cot in view. He almost fell out of Mrs. Tonks' arms trying to get to his father.

I watched as Remus turned his head and held out his arms to Teddy.

Mrs. Tonks gasped. "Remy! We thought you were dead!" She quickly sat in the chair next to the cot and laid Teddy in Remus' arms.

Remus was weak and could barely hold the child. Teddy was restless, as children tend to be at his age. But when their eyes met and they both smiled, it was a magic beyond that which we conjure. Now I knew why Remus needed to live.

Or so I thought. But I wouldn't hear the real reason that day.

Even though I brought them together, I felt like I was intruding as I watched Remus cuddle with his son. But the two adults didn't seem to mind my presence.

I still made sure to stay far enough away so that Mrs. Tonks and Remus could talk privately. They needed to share their mourning for Mrs. Lupin. But I couldn't help but watch as they both cried for her. Teddy, already shadowing his father's tendencies, patted Remus' cheek to help alleviate his sadness.

After a few minutes, the two adults saw me staring. So I made a show of watering some of the plants. But I couldn't hide my embarrassed blush.

When I turned my head back to see if they were angry, Mrs. Tonks inclined her head towards me, and spoke somewhat loudly. "He's the one, isn't he?"

"Yes." Remus nodded before turning his attention back to Teddy.

I shouldn't have eavesdropped. But at that point, I really wanted to know what 'one' I was. Mrs. Tonks had asked her question casually, but I suspected it was an important subject for both of them.

It would be disrespectful to ask. So I went outside the greenhouse to tend to some of the plants out there. It was best to avoid the temptation to hear more.

Mrs. Tonks came outside to find me when they were finished with their visit. "He's sleeping now. He needs the rest. But I'll be back tomorrow. I have some preparation to do. I want to take him to my house and I'd like you to be his mediwizard."

I stuttered out that I wasn't trained for such a job.

Mrs. Tonks just smiled. "You already seem to know much about treating him well. Remy would appreciate having you with him. And there's a garden out back that he would like some help with. *That* I know you have knowledge of."

I nodded. I could certainly help with his garden, and I wanted the chance to get to know him better. I could always owl Madame Pomfrey with medical questions. So I made up my mind. "I'll do it."

"Splendid!" Mrs. Tonks exclaimed. "We'll be here in the morning, after the transformation. We're very appreciative of the cot you found him, but he wants to be at home."

Teddy seemed happy too. He clapped his hands and giggled as his hair turned the color of the violet I was tending.

I smiled at his display of childish glee.

Mrs Tonks shifted Teddy to sit on her hip. "Take good care of him tonight. And thank you for saving him." Suddenly, she pulled me to her with her free arm. I hugged her back, knowing we shared the same feeling of relief in being able to help him recover.

But as she walked back into the Great Hall, I wondered how she knew that I spent the last two nights with the wolf and would be taking care of him tonight as well. Remus couldn't have told her. The human never remembers what happens in canine form.

\------

Once that night's transformation was complete, the wolf immediately started whining at me. I understood what he was asking for now, so I sat down and started petting him. After awhile, he fell asleep, so I got up and started watering the plants in the greenhouse.

Fifteen minutes later, I heard tapping on the greenhouse floor.

I looked towards the cot to see that Remus was missing from it. Worriedly, I took a few steps before I noticed the lumbering creature making his way towards me, slowly and carefully. When his eyes met mine, I saw a determination to reach his goal. A moment later, he settled on the floor next to me. But that wasn't the end of his stubbornness. Whenever I moved some distance to water a new set of plants, he struggled to his feet to follow.

I wondered at his behavior, but I couldn't ask him about it. So I let him struggle the short distances until I watered the last plant, then I levitated him back to the cot. Once he was settled, I quickly sat down next to him before he could attempt to make his journey again. When I was near him, the wolf was content to stay put.

I must have dozed off before the dawn. Because I once again woke to Remus sleeping on me post-transformation. A few seconds after I realized this, I heard the laughter of a very young child getting very close to us.


	5. Chapter 5

Mrs. Tonks came into the greenhouse with her grandson a moment later. She didn't seem at all surprised when she found me under an unconscious Remus. She just put Teddy down in the moss and checked the werewolf's condition before looking me straight in the eye. "I'll apparate him home. Minerva temporarily removed the wards around the greenhouse so I can do it without hurting him. Get what you need and Minerva will help you floo over. Please keep in mind that I haven't told her that Remus is alive yet. All she knows is I need something from the greenhouse and for you to come take care of it for me."

Leaving the Headmistress out of the secret was dangerous. But I suspected Mrs. Tonks knew more than I did about what Remus needed to be protected from. So I helped her get the sleeping werewolf dressed and in a good position for apparating as she grabbed Teddy. Then I watched them leave before running to Gryffindor Tower to get my trunk.

After tracking down the Headmistress, I was soon on my way to a small but cheery house. Mrs. Tonks greeted me as I stepped out of the fireplace. "I set up your room next to Remy's. He's up there, still sleeping."

I nodded, knowing that he needed it. "He should sleep most of the day. The wolf wore himself out following me around as I watered the plants last night."

Mrs. Tonks tutted. "Remy's stubborn in either form. I've heard plenty of stories from Sirius about it. So we'll let him sleep. In the meantime, you can look around. Give Pency your trunk and I'll take you out to see the garden."

So I pulled my trunk out of my pocket and gave it to the house elf next to Mrs. Tonks. Then she guided me to the back door and opened it. "Go explore and enjoy. Tell me if it needs anything."

My feet led me into a small piece of paradise.

The plants were an intertwining of magical and nonmagical, flowers and herbs with some sturdy shrubbery to support it all. I inspected all the plants carefully. There were some oddities among them. Aconite, I expected. It was the main ingredient in the wolf's potion. I wondered if the unfamiliar plants near it might also be part of the potion. I made a mental note to find out. I wanted to know more about it, to cultivate the best plants for it. It was something I could regularly do for Remus, even when he recovered.

Just as I was pondering this, something ran right through me. The shock of its coldness made me fall to the ground. But when I got up, the chill had faded to the pleasantness of a breezy day.

I looked around to see what had hit me. But I didn't see anything near me but plants. It wasn't until I turned around to face the oak near the edge of the garden that I saw it. A ghost.

But it wasn't an ordinary ghost. It was the spectre of a huge dog, with shaggy fur and big teeth. When the threatening looking animal saw me watching, it sat down, cocked its head, and let out a small whine.

After three nights of placating a whining werewolf, I automatically reached out to pet the dog. It must have liked the attention, because it immediately tried to nuzzle my hand. I could feel the ghostly coldness against my palm.

Then it pounced near me and started to roll over the plants. Luckily, being non-corporeal, it couldn't do them any harm.

But it brightened my day. I laughed at its antics until a ray of sunlight made it dissipate.

Once it had gone, I headed back into the house. Mrs. Tonks was making lunch, so I went to help her. "Do you know you have a ghost dog in your garden?" I asked casually.

"Oh, you found Padfoot." Mrs Tonk said gleefully.

I wondered why she looked so smug, but that was lost in my pondering about the ghost. Padfoot? Why did I know that name?

Then it came to me. It was on Harry's map, the one that showed the Hogwarts grounds. We had used it to find people when the battle there was over. The map had been made by Moony, Wormtail, Prongs, and Padfoot. Harry had told me they were Remus, Pettigrew, Harry's father, and...

"Why is the ghost of Sirius Black in your garden?" I asked, truly perplexed at this point. If he had anyone to haunt, shouldn't it have been Harry? Black had been trying to give Harry a better life when he was killed.

The older woman laughed. "That's a question that you're better off asking Remy. Sirius has a good reason for watching over us. But it's not my story to tell."

Mrs. Tonks looked over at a pocketwatch that was on the counter next to her. "If you want to know, now might be a good time to ask. Remy and Teddy just woke up from their nap. You'll want to make sure that scamp isn't trying to jump on his da. Teddy won't realize that Remy's in no condition to handle his playing today. I'll be up with everyone's lunch in a few minutes."

So I headed upstairs to rescue my charge from his bouncing child. I didn't ask about the ghost at that point. My focus was on preventing Teddy's rambunctiousness from causing Remus a setback. But as we all sat in Remus' bedroom to eat our lunch, I couldn't help but look out the window to see if the ghost dog was still in the garden.


	6. Chapter 6

Later that day, Remus asked to go down to the garden to enjoy some of the sunshine. He insisted on walking, but I wouldn't let him attempt it without holding onto me.

After a slow journey that exhausted my patient, I was able to ease him into a chair near the oak tree at the edge of the garden. Minutes later, Padfoot appeared in the shadows under the tree's branches, wrenching a tired smile out of the former professor.

As I sat in the grass near Remus' chair, Padfoot approached us. Once he came to the edge of the shadows, he crouched down and looked up into Remus' eyes.

Remus returned the ghost's gaze. "It's ok, Padfoot. Neville won't hurt you. He's just helping me."

Padfoot whined, looking to me as if frightened.

"I haven't told him yet." Remus said quietly. "He doesn't know."

I looked up at his tired face. "What haven't you told me?"

Remus sighed. "The whole story is complicated, and I'm only beginning to understand it. Let me start with what I do know." He paused, as if asking my permission.

So I nodded.

He waved his hand at the spectre of the dog. "Werewolves are magically bound to another person when the wolf inside them chooses the one it wants to be with. Padfoot was my first mate. We were essentially married from age 16.

"Andromeda told me you figured out who he actually was, so I don't need to explain how tough it was to be separated from him most of the days of our relationship. I loved Sirius dearly. The wolf adored Padfoot. In fact, the first time I saw the grim, when my three best friends showed me their animagus forms, was when the wolf chose my mate. But when Sirius died, the magic died with him."

I pondered this. The mating sounded both wonderful and frightening. The connection between them sounded wonderful. But it had to be horrifying to be bound to someone who you thought betrayed you. His second spouse didn't cause such issues, however. So I asked, "Was your wife also your mate?"

Remus shook his head. "That was a more conventional marriage. The wolf tolerated Dora, but did not choose her."

I looked at Padfoot, then back at Remus. They had something very basic in common, that Tonks didn't have. "Was it because she wasn't canine?"

Remus shrugged. "I asked myself that too. There isn't much research on werewolf mating habits, so that's actually what I believed for a long time. But that changed when the wolf chose a mate at an Order meeting about six months ago."

I cocked my head in confusion. "Why would the wolf choose a mate when you were already married?"

Remus laughed bitterly. "The wolf didn't care about my marriage. He chose who he wanted. I, of course, ignored his demand to meet with his mate. I wasn't about to ruin my life with Dora. Also, the wolf chose in a crowded room. I could ignore him because I had no idea which person in the room was the one. For six months, I completely disregarded him. I had the Wolfsbane potion. I could silence the wolf's cries."

Remus reached into the shadows to touch Padfoot. "But I couldn't silence Sirius. Padfoot appeared here the day after Moony chose his mate. He barked at me for about an hour. He wanted me to pursue my new mate. But I loved my wife. I didn't think it was fair to her or my new mate to find out who the wolf had chosen. It took a week for Padfoot to accept this. But then I had to accept that he was going to stay here to watch over me. I had told him before he died that having him in Azkaban had weakened me mentally and physically. And it appeared that separation from my new mate was starting to drain me. So Padfoot decided to give me as much strength as he could until I changed my mind."

I wondered how he could know all that from a dog until the ghost shattered into wisps and reformed in a human shape. "You always were too stubborn, Moony." Sirius said, appearing to lean against the oak. "You need to tell him the rest."

"I need to give him time to adjust, Pads. I've barely had time to take it all in." Remus' voice was more like a bark than his usual careful tone. This made me wary, as I rarely saw him angry.

But Sirius just shrugged. "At least start him down the path, love."

Remus sighed and nodded. "Neville, the next part of this will be hard for you to accept. But you are allowed to leave here if what I tell you isn't to your liking."

I looked between the two older faces with trepidation. "You found your mate, didn't you? I don't see how that could upset me." Actually, I could see how it would. But it was a dream to think I could be more to Remus than a mediwizard or a former student. So I had to accept whomever the wolf had chosen, for the man's sake.

Remus ran a hand through his hair, obviously agitated. This worried me. Was his mate an enemy? Another traitor? Would I have to protect him from the one the wolf chose?

Taking a deep breath, the werewolf unburdened himself of the secret he was holding. "I was almost completely dead when they brought me to the Great Hall. But nobody could have known that I was still alive. Because my human magic was almost completely gone.

"Poppy is pretty sure the Killing Curse hit my shoulder and glanced off it partially. So some of the curse's strength was lost. But that only made a difference because I'm a werewolf. The wolf's magic takes longer to fade than a human's.

"It's not detectable without a complex spell, however. Essentially, I was dead and Moony had only an hour more when the moon rose. It was only when he sensed his new mate near him that he gathered enough strength to transform."

I gaped at him as his last word faded. I had been the only living being near him when he transformed three nights ago. How could I be --I couldn't possibly be--his mate?


	7. Chapter 7

This was what I had wanted in that secret part of me. But why would I be the wolf's choice? Somehow, the situation seemed fake, or wrong.

"I-I don't understand. Why me?" In my agitation, I rose from the grass. My hands were shaking when I tried to straighten my robes.

"The same thing that helped you through this war," Remus replied quietly, as a counterpoint to my state. "Your inner strength."

"I've been terrified for the last few years! That's not inner strength!" I yelled, startling both men and myself. I didn't know why I was yelling. At that point, my emotional turmoil had me feeling very disconnected from what was going on inside and around me.

"It is, when you keep going despite being terrified." Remus looked between me and the ghost of Sirius Black. "Moony is actually a rather good judge of character. He knows who can handle being by our side."

"How?" My mind grasped on something I might be able to hold up as proof that this was real. What did the wolf use as a measuring stick?

Sirius shrugged. "Moony judged me on having the guts to run from my own parents."

"That and escaping from Azkaban took all you had, but you did them anyway." Remus smiled at Sirius then turned to me. "And you...Are standing up to Harry, rebelling in the school for the sake of the school, risking your life for the younger students, and treating a cursed animal without protection not enough?"

I blushed as I started to calm down. This was beginning to seem possible. But he had an odd idealized view of me. "You make me sound as good as Professor Dumbledore."

"In a way, you're better. You don't have ulterior motives. You just did what needed to be done." Remus looked up at me. "But Moony's choice...our choice doesn't have to be yours. I don't want you to think I'm forcing you into anything. I'm as old as your parents, and my life hasn't been an easy one. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.

"I didn't want to tell you this much, but Andromeda and Sirius insisted that you should be given the choice. But don't fear for me if you choose not to stay. Sirius has agreed to keep giving me strength as long as he can." Remus's eyes shone with worry and guilt.

There was no reason for him to worry that I'd storm out of the garden. My hands ached to touch him in ways that made my blush worse as I thought about them. "Do you realize I've had a crush on you since third year?" I replied in a whisper. "And my respect for you has only grown over the years. Part of me would like to try to be what you need."

"You already are what I need." Remus returned my soft tone. I could see his eyes examining my blushing face. What he saw made him smile. "Now we decide if I can return the favor."

The romantic relationships I had had during my schooling had been fleeting and not particularly deep. So I wasn't sure what I needed.

"Do I have to make a final decision right at this moment?" Even though attraction was definitely in me, I didn't know if it would be enough to build the right type of relationship. I wanted to be sure of what I was doing before I committed to him.

Remus shook his head. "Take whatever time you need. But if you wouldn't feel like I'm taking advantage, I could use assistance getting around in the meantime."

"Of course. If I really am the one who brought you back from death's door, well, I need to make sure you recover completely." I smiled as I helped him up to head back into the house.

I took one last look at Sirius, who was still leaning against the oak tree. He nodded his approval, then disappeared.

\------------------

Time passed. I adjusted to life at the Tonks-Lupin house. I helped Remus throughout the day while Mrs. Tonks concentrated on taking care of Teddy. That gave us a lot of time to ourselves. So we started getting to know each other better.

Remus and I started by talking about everything that came to mind. He told me about the Marauders, and things about my parents that I never knew. I told him about Gran and about Harry's struggles when he thought nobody was looking.

It was easier to talk about others at first. We were both private people. We didn't really know how to talk about ourselves.

But as the weeks went by, we slowly started to open up to each other. Our turning point happened a week before the next full moon.

"Remus, do I need to gather the plants for the Wolfsbane potion?" I asked him that morning as I helped him out of the spelled shower. He always came out fully dressed, because he was not ready to show me his scarred form. He told me that didn't want to frighten me when I asked him about it.

"I don't have anyone to make the potion here. Severus had been making it before he died. I actually don't know where Poppy found the last dose I took." Remus sighed. "I need to find another potions maker. Moony may not harm you, but Teddy and Andromeda aren't safe from him."

He was right. Mrs. Tonks didn't have a secure basement or shed where Moony could spend the night while feral. Something needed to be done. But what? Then I hit on a possibility. "Did Professor Snape keep notes on it?" I asked, as a plan hatched in my mind.

Remus eyed me critically as he deduced what I was thinking. "Neville, Wolfsbane is a hard potion to make."

I stubbornly stared right back at him. "I want to try it. But I need Professor Snape's notes. We know the way he made it worked well for you. I don't want to make it if it's not useful."

Just then, an owl came in the window. It held its leg out to Remus, who detached the note tied to it. I then gave the owl a treat as Remus opened...a howler?

In a very polite voice, the howler said, "You could have told me you were alive. It would have saved me the trouble of panicking over your supposedly lost body. You needn't concern yourself now. I've talked to Poppy. Take the time you need to heal. I will visit you in a week or two. Also, treat your new mate well. Please let him know he needs to see me about some school paperwork at his earliest convenience."

I wondered at the man I was slowly starting to adore as he chuckled. "Well, Minerva knows. By the looks of it, she's already learned Albus' tricks of figuring out the situation before anyone expects it."

I shuddered, remembering when those tricks had almost gotten me or my friends in trouble. "Oh, she had already learned a good number of them by the time I was a first year. We didn't know if we should be in awe of her, or frightened out of our wits by what she could figure out."

"A little of both was warranted." Remus beckoned me over to the fireplace. "Minerva can certainly help you find Severus' notes, and perhaps find you someone to guide you through the potion making. Potions was my worst subject, so I'm going to defer to those who know what they're doing."

"It was my worst too." I whispered. "But I think it was mostly because Professor Snape intimidated me."

"Then I hope his notes aren't intimidating." The werewolf smiled at me as he threw a handful of floo powder in the fireplace and called the Headmistress' office.

When Headmistress McGonagall appeared in the green fire, she once again berated Remus for letting her think he was dead. Remus apologized profusely, saying that he hadn't wanted to put the school in harm's way while he recovered. Luckily, the Headmistress nodded and accepted his apology. That made it easier for Remus to request that I be allowed to search for Snape's directions for Wolfsbane.

The Headmistress waved her hand. "I know where they are and will have them duplicated for Mr. Longbottom. Also, Ms. Granger is here. She can offer Mr. Longbottom some aid in his endeavor. She desperately needs a distraction. But won't his leaving be dangerous for you?"

I looked at Remus, surprised at her words. Was there a threat here that I didn't know about?

Remus shook his head. "The mating is latent at this point."

I wondered at the term, but then the Professor McGonagall's reply seemed to explain it.

"I'm surprised. Your first mating became physical within a day of you being aware of it."

The former professor blushed. "We were both sixteen. But the situation is different this time. I'm nearly forty. He's not even eighteen. I can't take advantage of him."

I glared at Remus. Did he forget that made me an adult? "Isn't that for us to agree on? You didn't ask me if I was ready to be physical. I'm still adjusting, but I also assumed you needed time to heal and to mourn."

"I did...I do." My partner said softly. "But the wolf doesn't understand nor does it care about our feelings. I can feel Moony's cries inside me, and they're getting hard to resist." His eyes bored into me with an intense look that had me shivering in arousal. I found myself wanting to stare into them forever.

"I will wait, but when you feel it's time to listen to Moony, I will be ready for you." I tried to give Remus' intense look back to him. It must have worked, because he blushed again.

The Headmistress cleared her throat. "At least the latency will make it easier for you to be parted. But we don't want to put too much stress on you during your recovery. I will only keep him a few days."

"Good, Teddy will protest if his storyteller is gone for too long." Remus joked.

I chuckled, knowing that he told the truth. Teddy had taken to me and insisted on stories from me every night before bed.

"I will miss you as well, Neville." Remus whispered as Minerva left the floo to give us a moment. His hand cupped my cheek. "And I will try to remember that I need to tell you more about myself. Sirius would often threaten me with tickle spells because I was more secretive than I needed to be."

"I will be home as soon as I can, because I'll miss you too." I smiled. "And I'm going to ask Sirius to teach me those spells."

Remus grinned, then kissed my forehead.

I shivered just a little because I could feel an intense emotion behind that touch. I knew that I was ready to take in whatever he and the wolf felt for me, and give my own intense feelings in return.

But I would give Remus his time first.


	8. Chapter 8

My trip to Hogwarts was a productive one.

I straightened out my paperwork with the Headmistress first. After we finished and she handed me my diploma, she turned around and retrieved the copy of Snape's notes. I looked them over, then immediately went in search of Hermione. The directions would need translation.

The minute I found Hermione, she started asking me about my relationship with Remus. She had heard Madame Pomfrey when the medi-witch told the Headmistress the truth about his whereabouts. I should have been shocked by her knowledge of my private life, but I wasn't. There were no secrets at Hogwarts. I was amazed that Remus kept his curse a secret as long as he did. Perhaps Professor Dumbledore had helped that along somehow.

But I didn't like my personal business being tossed around. It was making me irritable because most people who heard would assume Remus was taking advantage of me.

"No, he hasn't pressured me. In fact, I'm trying to not pressure him. He just lost his wife." I growled at my friend, suddenly rather protective of the the man waiting for me in that cozy home.

"Sorry." Hermione whispered as we gathered what we needed to make the potion in the otherwise deserted potions classroom. "He's just a lot older than you."

"And the kindest man I've ever met." I said, trying to soften my words. I didn't want to fight with my friend. She had done her best to support me since the first time we met on the train. She was doing her best to help me take care of my mate now, despite her worry.

"He is that." Hermione agreed as she handed me a stirring spoon and we got to work deciphering Severus Snape's potion notes. As we worked, my friend asked about what it was like being the mate of a werewolf, because the textbooks said very little about it. I knew she wasn't after the scandalous details. Ron would be more likely to ask those questions.

But even so, I received a satisfying horrified look when I told her how I had walked around an untreated werewolf for three moonlit nights.

"He was a bit like a hurt puppy at that point," I announced, causing her to shudder. I think the other side of that 'puppy' gave her nightmares.

"No, really, he was. There are some advantages to being a werewolf's mate." I assured her. But I was secretly pleased that she wouldn't want anything to do with those advantages I had. Was I perhaps--just a little bit--jealously possessive of my mate?

\-----

It took me five days to get a useful version of the Wolfsbane potion together. In that time, the only people I was in contact with were Hermione, the Headmistress, and a few house elves who made sure I was fed and that I slept in between potion trials.

Luckily, Hermione and I deciphered that Snape, too, had needed a number of trials for this potion. He had found a way to make very small batches so that he didn't waste too many ingredients while perfecting it. I did the same.

Hermione stayed with me the first two days, while I gained confidence in my skills. It was a lot easier without Snape looking over my shoulder. My friend would often correct me, but the snide remarks that threw me off guard were no longer present. That made a huge difference.

On the third day, however, Hermione was called to the Burrow to help Ron with something. She apologized profusely, knowing how important this potion was to the safety of Remus' family. But I waved her away, saying that we had gotten most of the big problems worked out. I could handle the smaller ones by myself.

I made sure to work on the potion night and day until I did. I must have made twenty small batches until I had one that smoked the right color. All it took me to get to that point was throwing an empty cauldron across the room, storming out to the Astronomy tower to cool down, being woken up two mornings in a row at a desk in the classroom, and screaming at the top of my lungs a few times because the potion had taken all my patience out of me.

But as I bottled the first successful small batch, enough for a half dose, I finally sighed with relief.

My satisfaction didn't last for long, however. Five minutes later, Headmistress McGonagall came storming into the classroom.

"I need you to come with me immediately, Mr. Longbottom," she said in her sternest voice, then walked back out of the room, expecting me to follow.

The Headmistress led me back to her office, where the green tinged face of Andromeda Tonks waited in the floo. "Neville! Thank Merlin!" Mrs. Tonks nearly shouted as she spotted me walking into the room.

"Mrs. Tonks? What?" I stuttered, suddenly feeling my stomach twist inside me. Something was wrong. I just knew it.

"It's Remy." The older woman's eyes shone with worry as she looked at me. "He started to weaken nearly the minute you left. He just worsened after that. I had to confine him to bed, because he could barely walk to the loo with the cane you made for him. Now he's having trouble breathing."

I looked at Mrs. Tonks in shock. "But he was fine. He said that Sirius would help him."

Headmistress McGonagall shook her head. "Sirius' magic may no longer work because you have replaced him as Remus' mate. Few things are known about werewolf mating. Even less is known about how a second one works. I can tell you that when Remus mated the first time, we dared not separate the two of them for at least a week. We allowed them both to skip classes they weren't in together, for we feared a bad reaction if they were away from each other for more than a few minutes.

"We did have cause to worry. Mr. Black, not realizing that being close was a necessity, collapsed on the way back from Hogsmeade the third night of their mating. He suffered from nausea and dizziness. Mr. Lupin had collapsed in the shower around the same time. All because Mr. Black wanted to get his mate some chocolate."

The Headmistress wrung her hands as she continued. "Remus believed that because you two didn't engage in physicality as of yet, both of you would be safe from those effects. A latent first mating usually has few side effects of separation. Obviously, that's not true in a second mating. At least not for Remus. Off with you now, before he gets worse. I'll send a few house elves with the potion supplies in about an hour."

With that, Mrs. Tonks' face disappeared, and the Headmistress handed me some floo powder.

\------

When I arrived home, I barely gave Mrs. Tonks a glance as I rushed upstairs to Remus' bedroom. But as I opened the bedroom door, I stared in shock at the state of my mate. He looked worse than he had the first morning after his near death. Luckily, at this point he was sleeping or unconscious. I wouldn't have been able to look at him if he had been awake. The guilt would have crushed me.

Teddy was curled against Remus' side, napping with his father. Watching them gave me an idea of what I needed to do. The wolf needed contact with its mate, so it probably would help the human too.

I stripped off my robes, down to my charmed vine boxers. Then I gently grabbed the child and handed him to his grandmother, who had followed me. "Give me about two hours to try to get some strength back into him, them bring him some broth. If he can handle that, we'll discuss a bigger meal. He needs his strength. The moon is in two days."

Mrs. Tonks nodded to me as I slipped into bed with Remus and spooned up against him with a sigh. Suddenly, I knew why the last day of potion making had been so tense. I, too, had been suffering from the side effects of separation. Why hadn't Remus told me this could happen?

To my relief, within minutes of me getting into bed with my mate, his breathing became less ragged and his color became much less pale. But he didn't wake.

So I stayed where I was and kept an arm wrapped around him as I dozed off. I had five days of missed sleep to catch up with, after all.


	9. Chapter 9

It was much later when I woke.

At first, I wanted to sleep the whole day away. I was still tired and the warm body nearby called to me to hold it. But arguing voices pulled me from the lassitude the warmth had created.

"Remy, you stay right there. I don't want to think about how close we came to losing you again. All because you're too stubborn to ask for what you need. If you need to be with him, then right here is where you should be." Mrs. Tonks scolded in a tone that would make Molly Weasley step back.

Remus' protest came, as I knew it would. "He shouldn't have to take care of me. I don't want to burden him." Obviously, Remus wanted to get out of bed. But the wolf inside him would not be denied. Moony wanted to be with his mate. I could tell because a moment later, his hand buried itself in my hair possessively.

His touch felt so wonderful, but so different than it had before. It felt like an affirmation of what was between us. We were more connected, or so it seemed.

I immediately tried to probe that feeling, because there was a hint of magic in it. Had Remus decided to listen to the wolf? Was it time? Would we complete our mating now? I opened my eyes and looked up at Remus to find out.

My mate's head turned as if tuned to my changed state. "Hello, sleepyhead," he said softly, with a smile.

I smiled back, then looked over at where Mrs. Tonks was holding Teddy.

"Remy told Teddy his bedtime story tonight. I hope you don't mind." Mrs Tonks said, shifting the tired child onto her shoulder. "You were out cold, even when the scamp cuddled up to you."

"Remus probably tells better stories." I said softly. I was beginning to love Teddy dearly, but my mind wasn't on him at the moment. Mrs. Tonks seemed to understand this. She quickly moved away to give us both space.

Oddly, neither was my mind on my patient's condition. I was much more focused on wanting to kiss the freckle that I could see on his elbow.

I shook myself. Careful, Neville. He said he needed time. The funeral for his wife was only three weeks ago. Control yourself!

But it took another shake and a deep breath until I could see past the sudden rise of arousal. With a lot of concentration, I was able to look at him as my patient. "Did you eat?"

"Two bowls of stew." Remus affirmed, raising his eyebrow at my obvious struggle. But he shrugged, a bit more worried about my physical state. "There's one for you on the nightstand. Are you hungry?"

My stomach decided to growl at that moment. It distracted me from the arousal. "Famished," I replied, sitting up.

Mrs. Tonk nodded approvingly. "Don't forget that you can take care of him, Remy. He exhausted himself learning the potion. He needs a bit of recovery time too." She then took Teddy to his bed in the room down the hall. Remus' bedroom door closed with a soft snick.

I blushed as I considered what I could do now that I was alone with Remus. But I tried to convince myself that I shouldn't do anything. Not until he said he was ready!

My distraction made me feel guilty, so I spoke up before he figured out what was really going on in my head. "I'm sorry, I should be the one taking care of you. But I needed to get that potion done. You're right, it's a bloody tricky concoction."

Remus smiled proudly at me. "But you did get it done. And Hermione was able to use your notes to finish the batch for this month, with no problems." As he spoke. he handed me a tray containing a bowl of soup and some bread. "So now your only required action is to stay here with me while we both recover from the separation."

He took a deep breath before continuing. "I need to apologize to you. I shouldn't have been so unconcerned about being apart earlier. There are things we will both be learning for the first time as we go through this. It's obvious that our mating will be different from the one I had with Sirius."

I listened to him talk about the last few days as I ate. But my eyes strayed to his body. Although he looked worried about our relationship, his physical health was definitely better. Good enough to take on some strenuous activity, perhaps. That thought and how good he looked were distracting me from his words.

He continued on, not noticing that I had to strain to make sense of what he was saying. My arousal was rising again now that my stomach was full. Part of me registered that he was in professor mode, lecturing me on something. Oh, how I wanted to know what he could teach me. But I required more hands-on instruction.

Shaking my head hard allowed me to finally focus enough to comprehend some of what he was saying. He was aware of the change between us. But his way of thinking about it bothered me.

"I think we need to talk about taking this to the next step. I know I'm not as attractive as other people, especially with all my scars. But if we can handle having sex, the connection between us will most likely calm down in a week or two."

Not attractive? Was he blind?! His lean frame was the most gorgeous body I had ever seen. And those scars I had only caught glimpses of weren't ugly. They were signs of his resilience. I wanted to see them, to feel them, and show my mate how much I admired that strength. So I reached over to stroke a hand down his nightshirt clad chest.

"What? Oh." Remy jumped a little at my touch. Then he looked me in the eye critically. I knew he could see the heat gathering on me, my flushed skin, and my heavy breathing. If he ignored that, he couldn't help but notice that I was pressing my hardness into his thigh.

"I guess the time for talking has passed." He whispered, his eyes getting darker. Moony was pulling at him, pulling at me. I couldn't help but stare into those amber eyes.

I barely registered that he took the tray with my half eaten stew away, and gathered me into his arms. I just knew that suddenly I was surrounded by him, and I reveled in it.

"I'm hot." I whispered into my mate's shoulder. But my own heat was not enough for me. My body demanded to feel his as well. So I tried to burrow into him to seek relief that only he could give.

"Shh, I'll help you. I'm sorry I waited this long. But I needed to mourn Dora." Remorse tinged his voice. But I knew the time was necessary. I wish I could have given him more, but I was no longer in control of my own body. I was being directed by Moony and the mating demands.

Those demands insisted that I reach up to pull Remy's head down for a fire-tinged kiss. I felt him groan as I tried to possess all of him in that one touch. But eventually I needed to breathe, so I pulled back a little.

That's when I heard him growl. I shivered, instinctively knowing what that meant. Moony wanted what was his.

My mate's amber eyes flashed, as if the beast inside him was rearing its head. Then he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me to the mattress, leaning over me.

I should have been terrified by that fierce look on his face. But all it did was arouse me more.

Remus sniffed the air, then my neck. He absorbed my scent. But something made him stop suddenly and look at me incredulously. "I smell your nervousness. You haven't done this before?"

He sensed the part of me that was hoping I had read enough in books to give him what he needed. So I shook my head. "No, I never really had the chance, or the right person." Those relationships I had before had never gotten beyond the groping stages. 

"Then those around you were fools." The wolf growled. He ran his hands over my chest and legs, making me shiver in need. "But I will take care of you. And you will learn what we need."

"What should I do?" My nervousness came to the surface now that I realized I had to please the wolf. Without any real experience, that could be difficult.

But my mate was patient with me, and once again instructive. "Whatever feels good. I will give you time to learn, then I will claim you."

So I pulled off Remy's nightshirt. I needed to see those scars that had shaped him. They were more beautiful than I had imagined. I traced them reverently, making him shiver. "You are gorgeous. Your strength shows in every one of these."

His lips trailed down my neck. "And your aura shines with your strength," he whispered, his respect for me obvious in his tone.

But at that moment, I required something other than respect. I needed him to need me. So I trailed over his scars with my lips, tasting each one. The salt burned my tongue, but I was satisfied when his need became apparent in his shifting and moaning.

However, the alpha wolf could not be passive for long. A moment later, Remus nipped his way down my chest, making me whimper. Then, he swallowed me whole, leaving me gasping in surprise and instantaneous intense arousal.

"Mine." Remus lifted his head and growled before swallowing me again.

After that, the sensations took me over as Remus made sure we both got what we needed. All I could do was moan in pleasure and clutch at my mate. But he didn't seem to mind, as that made it easier for him to claim me.

He was an expert in giving pleasure. When he finally took my body, I was so ready to feel him inside of me that I screamed before he slid home. And when he was with me, inside and out, I howled like the wolf that held my soul.

Afterwards, I rested in his arms. Once I had recovered a bit, I looked up to see dark amber eyes gazing back at me. His calm voice told me I had done well that night. "Padfoot gave us excitement. You, like the orchids you care for, give us contentment."

As we fell asleep, the moon blessed us with its rays.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to the authors who created the stories that I read at Azkaban's Lair in the early 2000's. I don't remember which author created the book from which I drew the idea at the end of the chapter. But it was brilliant and it needs to be revived. Hey, maybe I'll have Neville write book 2.

Our official mating should have been a turning point in our relationship, according to everything I had read. But it wasn't.

He should have become more protective of me. He should have sought out ways to make me happy. I should have become the most important person in his life. And I should have been able to give him the same in return.

What he did was withdraw into himself. He didn't seek me out. He didn't invite me back to his bed. He spent most of his time reading books and ignoring my presence. Even the wolf stayed away from me the three days of the full moon after our mating.

At first, I assumed he was still in mourning. After all, it had only been a month since his wife died. One does not adjust to losing one spouse and gaining another in a few hours easily.

So I gave him some space. I worked in the garden while he spent most of his days in the library. When we were around each other, our silence was calm, but I felt awkward asking him to pass the salt. Because I was the interloper here. My presence made his mourning more difficult. Or so I thought.

Evidence pointing to another cause came a week before the next full moon. That morning, Remus came out to the garden with his book, as it was really too nice of a day to spend indoors. But as Remus walked down the porch steps, Padfoot appeared under the oak tree and started growling at him.

Instead of trying to calm the dog, Remus ignored him and sat in the bright sun. Right where Padfoot would not go. When Padfoot growled even more at him, the werewolf just snapped, "Oh, do stop, Sirius. Let me enjoy the sun in peace."

Appearing chagrined, the ghost let out one little whimper before he disappeared. Sighing, I turned to my mate. "I think you upset him."

What came next both surprised and worried me. "Don't you start," Remus actually started to growl, somewhat threateningly. I jumped back a bit, knowing that there was a lot of power in that thin frame. If he wanted to attack me, any fight I would put up would be worthless.

For my safety, I left him to his spot in the sun, where he appeared to bristle with restrained fury. But I didn't stop worrying.

Something was wrong.

That fact became even more obvious when Remus stopped going out in the garden. In fact, he stopped going out of his room for the next five days except to spend a little time with Teddy. And I certainly wasn't invited in at night. In fact, I didn't dare approach him during this time. The fury that had consumed him in the garden hadn't left. It seemed to reach for me every time his gaze met mine.

The tension between us became so tightly strung that just the sight of Remus put me one step from screaming in frustration. Compounding this was his new tendency to ignore me unless I addressed him directly.

To make matters worse, the full moon was two days away. Given his mood, I feared for my safety during the transformation. He seemed so annoyed that he might try to let the wolf and his anger loose, even if he was on Wolfsbane.

So I sought out help. The best person to help me would have been his previous mate. But Sirius hadn't returned to his spot under the oak tree. So I asked Mrs. Tonks for advice.

She listened intently as I explained what had happened in the garden, and how the tension grew between us. Then, instead of advising me, she handed me a book on werewolves that I never saw before. It looked like some sort of biography. But the author's name was obviously a pseudonym. Who goes by the name Presser de Pied?

That worried me a bit. Would the book be worth reading, or did the pseudonym indicate they were lying and hiding in case those lies were discovered?

Despite my misgivings, I laid down on my bed and opened the book. The author spoke about the trials and joys of someone in love with a werewolf. Nothing was held back. The author was not afraid to admit that the wolf they loved was dangerous. But how the world was dangerous to the werewolf also was laid out in detail.

I was surprised on how quickly and easily I fell into the narrative. Even the title 'Moonmate' seemed to call to me. So I spent the next few hours in my room reading.

By the time I was halfway through the book, I wondered if it had been written for me. 

Everything I had dealt with was there, from keeping the wolf content during the full moon to dealing with the physical pain and mental anguish of the post-transformation recovery.

But one passage seemed to focus on my current problem. "Depression is a constant companion for some werewolves. Being ostracized as well as physically ripped apart each month would wear on anyone. My mate is a mentally strong and disciplined being, but even he cannot avoid falling into despair. He often believes the lies that 'experts' have told, including that his very existence puts his loved ones in harm's way.

"When the despair hits him, he will sometimes shy away from me. Other times, he will attack me in anger. Yes, that is also the depression speaking. The anger is directed at himself, as a punishment for letting me stay dangerously close to him. His anger is fierce. Some days, it takes me and another person to restrain him when he lashes out. For I will not let him hurt me. It will simply give him an excuse to hurt himself. And that could lead to something much much worse."

I sat up with the book in my hands and thought about how similar this was to what I was dealing with. So I read further, paying attention to every word.

"To keep him from being harmed too much by the despair, we made a pact. He would tell me when his thoughts turned bleak, so I and our friends could help him fight them. And that worked, for a time.

But I was blocked from seeing him for many years, so there were times he didn't have that help. And he has suffered because of it. Once I was back with him, I wasted no time remaking our pact. It was best for his health, and his heart."

I leaned back, lost in thought for a moment. The circumstances of the author seemed vaguely familiar. For some reason, that familarity nagged at me. So I found myself flipping through the book to find a blurb about the author.

What I found was the dedication:

"I solemnly swear that this book is dedicated to my Moony."

Two seconds after I read that, I tumbled off my bed from the shock.


	11. Chapter 11

Once the sun went down and it was fully dark, I ran out into the garden with the book under my arm. I had to know if this book had been written about my...our mate.

So I headed straight for the oak tree that Sirius usually hid under. Luckily, Padfoot was lying near the trunk, so I showed him the book. "Did you have something to do with this?"

The ghostly dog whimpered, as if begging me not to question him. But I stood there, staring intently at him. "Please," I whispered.

A moment later, the large canine changed into Sirius' form. "It was meant to help him. To help him be accepted, and to give him some income. I think it at least helped a little with the money."

He sighed before continuing. "I started it when we were 16, but didn't finish it until right before I...fell through the Veil. Kingsley Shacklebolt helped me publish it. But I didn't tell Moony about it, and Andromeda has kept it away from him. Being the center of attention can sometimes upset him."

"I know the feeling," I muttered, then waved a finger at the ghost. "You should have told him. He'd be proud of you. Most books on werewolves are just awful."

Sirius chuckled darkly. "They are. The idea for the book came to me after I nearly broke James' broom hurling one of those offensive tomes across the room."

I shook my head in understanding. "They make better paperweights than sources of information. Your book could help him, though. I was reading it earlier. Your descriptions seem to suggest that he's depressed now."

Sirius sighed. "From what I saw the other day, he is. He's most likely worried about burdening you. It's his favorite thing to harp on when he's depressed. Probably because his father drilled it into him when he was a kid. It doesn't help that choosing you as mate now makes mourning Tonks harder for him."

"Then what do I do? I can't just let him suffer." I asked quietly. Plants I knew how to handle. Intelligent beings were tougher. But I couldn't just stand back and watch him deal with the pain.

"I found dragging him around to play pranks, go to Hogsmeade, even making sure he went to class and to dinner helped a great deal. He needed to be reminded there was a world beyond his sadness. Physical contact helps too. It doesn't have to be anything more than a touch or hug, but he needs affection desperately."

I though about this. "Pulling him away from the house would expose him in a way that he's not ready for. But I have an idea."

In the spirit of Sirius' advice, I started by badgering my mate. Right after the sun rose the next morning, I barged into Remus' bedroom. Blearily, he looked up at me and muttered that I didn't have to come to him if I wanted sex. He insisted that I could find someone younger and more attractive easily.

I sighed and realized that I needed to listen to the dog more often. It was obvious that this man was having difficulty coming to terms with everything that had happened in the past two months.

Remus glared at me as if he was waiting for me to leave. But I could see the way his hand trembled against the bedsheet. He definitely needed some help. So I stuck with my plan. "You are what I want." I said, pulling him out of bed. "But we'll worry about that later. Come help me outside."

I ignored his protests as I helped him into a dressing gown and guided him out to the garden, where I had lined up some plants that were ready to go into the ground. More aconite, a spelled rosebush that had rainbow colored blooms and starflowers that I had ordered from a supplier in the States. They were the best horticultural representations I could think of for Remus and his two precious spouses.

When Remus saw the plants, he was puzzled. But that changed to shock and then tears as I explained their meaning.

"They should be here for you to see and remember the good times. This will be a nice place to tell Teddy stories about both of them." I said softly, handing him a spade. Then I stepped back to give him some room to work.

That day, my mate struggled through the planting by himself. I let him, though I was nearby in case he needed help. I could see that he needed time to think about his life.

The physical work seemed to mirror his mental struggle. He swore and was sometimes in tears, but he kept at it until all three species were side by side. When he was finished, he caressed the blooms on the rose and the starflower, then rose to his feet.

"Thank you, Neville." He reached out and squeezed my hand. Then he went back into the house.

It was obvious that Remus felt better that night. I could hear him laugh as he swung his son in the air.

It made me smile, even when I was in my cold bed alone.


	12. Chapter 12

Keeping with the suggestion that Sirius gave me, I started a pattern where I dragged Remus out of his bedroom to tend the garden with me every morning. He would then go in to spend time with his son. I joined them around lunchtime. Then in the afternoon, I would ask Remus about defensive spells or suggest that he practice with me. After a few practices just between the two of us, I began inviting Harry, Hermoine, or any of Dumbledore's Army to practice with us. Many took me up on the offer. To learn from Remus Lupin was a source of pride for most of those who had and continued to defended Hogwarts.

Remus tried to argue with me, or avoid the other person the first few times I invited someone over. But I found that if I deliberately made a mess of my hex casting with the guest, Remus would come over to correct me. Then we could start practicing with his instruction. It took him about a week to realize I wouldn't do anything productive in the DADA practice sessions without him there. It took him another week to realize he actually liked instructing me and whomever I chose to invite.

Four months passed like this. The garden tending gave us time to talk together. The defense practice prepared him for a possible return to Hogwarts. The Headmistress had told me the DADA position was no longer cursed. So she wanted Remus back. She also hinted there might be a position for me under Ponoma Sprout as well.

I had a harder time helping him at night. Mrs. Tonks said she often heard him pacing the hallway at night in front of her bedroom (which was far enough away from my room that I couldn't hear him). But I knew that if I burst into his room and made myself at home in his bed, he would most likely throw me out.

So I started with the full moon. Since he was taking the Wolfsbane I made, I knew he was aware as Remus and the wolf. But I also knew that when it came to his mate, the wolf would assert its authority.

So every night of every full moon, I picked a spot next to him on that cold cellar floor, laid a blanket down, and slept next to him with one hand curled in his fur. He looked startled the first time I did this. But he never moved away from me and he whined if I took my hand off him.

When I woke in the mornings, just before his transformation back to human, I'd inevitably find his snout buried somewhere along my chest.

After his transformations, I'd levitate him upstairs and crawl into bed with him. Remus accepted this and even seemed to crave it, as he would wrap himself around me as he slept. But he didn't try to touch me in any other way.

As much as I wanted to push him into being my *mate* again, I didn't. If this space in between friends and lovers was where he was most comfortable, then so be it. At least I was with him.

It wasn't until I added to his little garden family that our arrangement began to change.

I had gone out with Mrs. Tonks on a shopping trip to, as she put it, find Remus a few sweaters that didn't have holes in them. While she perused the clothing shops in Diagon Alley, I slipped into the herb shop. My intent was to experiment with some calming plants in the Wolfsbane potion, as Moony still appeared agitated if I was gone for any length of time during the transformation.

So I picked up some chamomile and lavender to try to calm the wolf a bit without giving him more aconite, which would be dangerous. As I was paying for them, I spotted a carnation by the window. The flower had caught my attention because it changed color from teal to red to yellow. When it changed to a yellowish brown that resembled Remus' hair, I knew I had to have it. It reminded me of Teddy changing his hair to copy things. So I asked the sales wizard how much it was.

It turned out that it wasn't for sale, but the sales wizard gave me one of the flowers free of charge. He said that the flower was charmed to grow when put into a pot or the ground. I thanked him profusely and went to show Mrs. Tonks my discovery.

Remus' mother-in-law was ecstatic when I held up the carnation for her examination. "You're right, it is just like Teddy. Will it grow well with the other plants in the garden?"

"It should. And the colors should go well with the rainbow rose."

Mrs. Tonks looked positively gleeful as we headed back.

When we got home, I waved my wand over the flower to make it grow roots. Plunking it in a glass of water, I went upstairs to find Remus. But before I could walk into his room, my feet carried me into mine. Gathering my nerve, I grabbed Sirius' book.

It was time that Remus knew how much he was loved. It was written in every word Sirius put on paper. And my flowers were saying things I wasn't sure I knew how to articulate yet. But they needed to be expressed so that we could continue together, or we would have to find a way to part (of course I was hoping for the former). So I steeled myself and acted.

Barging into Remus' room once again, I shoved the book and the flower at him. "Y-You really need to read this." I stuttered as he looked up at me. "The book--well, I agree with it in just about every way. The flower speaks for itself."

Finding myself suddenly very disconcerted, I turned around and rushed into my own room before Remus could do more than give me a very puzzled look.

Once in my room, I struggled to find something to do. Because if I didn't do something, I'd find an excuse to rush back to Remus' room and tell him to ignore what I just said.

But I was too nervous to read or tend plants. I was in no condition to work on my magic. And I was too tired and irritable to talk to anyone.

So, knowing that dealing with the unknown is easier when you're not conscious, I hurled myself onto my bed. I fell asleep almost immediately. Worrying tends to wear on a person.

My dreams were troubled, filled with scenes of being pushed out and exiled by all who encountered me.

But I wasn't the only one who was fighting with himself. When I woke, Remus was standing over me, looking as nervous as I felt.


	13. Chapter 13

"I'm sorry." Remus whispered, his brow furrowing as he leaned over me. "I read the book. I didn't know about it until you handed it to me. But once I finished it, I went out to talk to Sirius and plant the flower. Pads tore into me for treating you badly. Which I most definitely did."

He bowed his head contritely. "I'm sorry about the way I've acted. You have been more patient with me than I deserve. I hope you'll allow me to make things right between us."

I pulled Remy down on the bed so quickly that he gasped as he tumbled next to me. "You can do that by being with me." I growled softly, imitating his voice when the wolf pushed through.

The wolf answered back as I hoped he would. He grabbed me and breathed deeply of my scent. Then Remus visibly calmed. "You want me here. I can smell it."

"Of course I want you here. I love you." I murmured, clamping down on my fear of his reaction. He needed to know that I wanted him to stay because of what I felt for him, rather than some sense of duty. But I was still afraid to lift my head. I was afraid that he still wasn't ready to hear.

But he proved me wrong. "Hey, look at me." Remy lifted my chin so he could look me in the eye. "I love you too," he said softly. "The timing of our mating was bad for me. But it wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have made you suffer for it. So...I'd like you to claim me. I want to belong to you as much as you belong to me. I want this to work."

I looked at him in shock. Sirius' book said that the wolf was always the alpha in sexual matters with a mate, unless they are both wolves. So what he offered me meant that he would be fighting the wolf, unless...

"Moony wanted to do it. To show you how much we want you. We--I have taken so much from you while I struggled with the two sides of myself. I need to give to you. I need to show you how much you mean to me." Remus knelt next to the bed so he could lay his head near my side.

He made no move as I studied his face, then raked my gaze down his body, dressed in a Muggle t-shirt and jeans. I wanted to take him up on his offer. But first, he needed to prove that he would do as he said. So I gave him his first challenge. "You're overdressed for this, then." I said quietly. "Take off your clothes."

My mate moved quickly and gracefully to comply. But I stopped him before he could kneel again beside the bed. He had proven himself willing to let me lead. So, I pulled him on top of me with no warning. Taking his full weight knocked the breath out of me, but I didn't care. I needed to know that this was real, that he was real. Then I rolled us so I was over him.

The wolf shone out of the amber eyes staring into mine. But he made no move to dominate me as I shifted to prepare us both for my claim on him.

He just clutched at me and moaned. Desperately, like I was the only thing holding him together. It made me feel like I was finally important to him. It gave me strength.

I was a little rougher in my preparations than the books I had read suggested. But the rougher I was, the more Remy moaned. So I just made sure I wasn't doing him any damage.

And when I pushed inside him, when I staked my claim, we both howled. The pain he felt from my roughness became an affirmation of our struggles. But it was also celebration, as we rode the wave of euphoria that engulfed us both.

We pushed each other to the edge quickly. But the wolf kept his promise and let me keep control. So I took control of his body. One mighty thrust had Remus screaming his pleasure right before my gasps echoed the feeling.

And I wrapped myself protectively around my mate as we rested. Remus' eyes flashed as he looked at me, signalling the wolf wanted his moment. I was expecting criticism, but Moony just nuzzled closer. They were both finally willing to take what I could give. Solace, comfort, safety, contentment.

When I woke the next morning, my arms were empty. My heart skipped a beat. For a moment, I thought Remus had left. But then I heard a child's laughter out in the garden, along with that teacher's voice that made even the hardest task worth attempting.

So I grabbed a robe and headed outside.

Out in the garden, I found Teddy chasing a ghostly Padfoot, both of them making as much noise as possible. I laughed, as their joy was infectious.

Sirius barked at me happily. I just grinned and nodded. Life had just taken a turn for the better, and we both knew it.

Not seeing Remus, I decided to go to the corner of the garden, to care for his flower family. But when I went over, I found my mate already there, digging a hole.

Next to him was a spelled butterfly orchid. Curiously, I bent down to get a closer look at it.

The orchid was a delicate looking but rather hardy plant. The colors were subtle, but complemented the other flowers well.

"Why this one?" I asked Remy as he smiled over at me.

"Because it reminds me of you." His hand ran through my hair, then he pulled me over for a kiss.

I leaned into my mate for a moment. "You didn't have to..."

"Of course I did, you're part of me." Remy kissed me again. "Help me plant it. I want to make sure it thrives."

So we planted the orchid so it nestled next to the aconite and the carnation. Then we settled under the oak tree to watch our family and share their joy.


End file.
